I didn’t care about when Kelly kissed Screech. I was never moved by shows about crime, about war, or comedies about dysfunctional families. The reason I stayed up all night after watching The Shining for the first time was because I napped halfway through the movie and was too well-rested to fall asleep.

I knew I’d never relate to you people by the time I turned fifteen. That was before I could even drive, and years before I found out I didn’t, I couldn’t even, hold any interest in sex.

Because it wasn’t until I saw E.T. the Extraterrestrial that I knew for sure I was an alien.