For my next performance piece, I’m going to walk out of this thesis panel, return to my hometown, get a job in tax preparation, and marry a girl who loves me a little less than I do her. We’ll have kids that I will develop a drinking habit over. But I won’t get into much trouble beyond that one time I get a little too drunk at the parade and try to fight the local policeman who happens to be an old friend from high school. He’ll understand. My family and I will vacation mostly in the contiguous states at cryptozoology and UFO tourist attractions and maybe Disneyworld, depending on the kids. I will never touch a book about art again.

My name will be legally changed before the marriage. If you can find me, you can award me the degree.